Frustration

I am going to go a little off topic on this post but there are things I feel I need to get off my chest! (Hopefully at the end of it there may be a positive  outcome!!)

I am getting more and more frustrated with incompetent managers whose “job title” have gone to their heads as if that title gives them a license to treat everyone else as second class citizens. Even more frustrating is the fact that they serve no purpose other than to control a work force who, if were left and trusted to get on with their jobs wouldn’t need a manager in the first place!

I know there are exceptions and I am specifically talking about the leadership I have experienced in the industry I work in, particular my current job, so if you work as a manager please understand that this is not directed at you, and I am sure that you belong to the exception anyway.

I have been extremely lucky in some of the people I have had the pleasure of working with/for.

But my point is; what value does a manager actually bring to the table? They don’t create revenue as they are too busy managing (not sure what exactly) or in fact too busy justifying their own position by creating unnecessary work for the people below them to prove to the manager above them they have done something of value!! Who created this ridiculous system of so many levels of managers/directors/bosses who in fact manages nothing other than creating more unproductive work for the people they are allegedly managing?

What happened to putting trust in the people these “so called” managers employed in the first place to create revenue for the company/business? When they decided to offer the job to someone, they must have had some faith in that person’s ability to do the job.

What happened to leading from the front by showing your employees how they could better themselves by encouragement as opposed to  consequence management and micro management, which only results in paralysis of a work force because they end up being too afraid of making a mistake which cripples productivity.

What happened?

We can carry on blaming the current global financial crisis for all of this, but I am beginning to wonder if this weird system of having to constantly manage and control people at the bottom of the corporate ladder is part of the reason why we are in this financial mess in the first place!

I am fully aware that the main reasons for the situation we are all in has very little to do with this but then again, why is it that the companies who seem to be unaffected or less affected by the financial crisis  are the companies who treat their staff with respect and encouragement. And why is it that the companies that are having to cut back on costs are laying of the people who are bringing in the revenue?

I am currently working for a company who employs around 130,000 worldwide and to them I am nothing more than a number! Whenever I ring any headoffice department, the first question I am asked is: “What is your staff number? Never in my entire life have I had the desire to be identified by a number! I am not suggesting or even expecting that people on the other end of the telephone should instantly know my name, but surely there must be a better way than just a number!

What happened to individuality? Are we all reduced to being just a number?

I used to convince myself that the people at the very top knew what they were doing and that their vision was great but now I am at the belief that they have no concept of what actually happens in reality.

On a positive note,my immediate boss is actually wonderful and very supportive and I really am grateful for that. (i realise you may doubt that at this point!)

Then alongside of the management are the staff who are allegedly there to support you in your job (The ones that asks you for your number!!). I am dependent on these people to carry out my job properly, which frustrates me even more when they can’t even get the basic stuff right, which then lands back on my desk in the shape of another problem to sort out! I am sick and tired of having to solve problems created by people with no common sense whatsoever and no apparent desire to take just a little bit of responsibility for their own job.

Maybe I am the stupid one here! Maybe, if I employed the same indifferent attitude, I would be able to go home with peace of mind instead of feeling my blood pressure going up the scale faster than a rocket.

Sometimes I wonder if I am actually working for the same company as the support network at head office and the call centres, (which is seperate rant altogether) and also why the people who actually have the power to change and improve the systems continue to bury their heads in the sand. They all know there are systems and processes that do not work and yet they never do anything to change it. We just get presented with a load of excuses for why it doesn’t work, which does no one any good whatsoever.

I rarely get to the stage I am at right now and I fully realise that the main problem lies with how I “choose” deal with these frustrations and also the fact that I chose to think about all the things I thought were wrong with the people and systems. Since my last post I know that this is my perception.

Once the rant is over and I get it out of my system I can start to see it from a different perspective and I can begin to understand that the people I refer to as incompetent are doing the best that they can at that given moment. Their best may just simply be out of sync with what my expectations are. When I am totally honest with myself I realise that sometimes I too fail to get the basic stuff right, which then sometimes lead me down the path of procrastination where blaming everyone and everything seems like the best option, until of course I get some kind of wake-up call!

Sometimes I find it difficult to be totally honest with myself because when I can find someone else to blame at least I don’t have to admit that there may be things I need to work on!

I also realise that when I get into this kind of state, it’s because I react automatically or by impulse and blowing the problems out of proportion instead of taking  a deep breath and finding a better way of dealing with it.

Blaming others by saying that they are the reason I get frustrated solves nothing at all. In fact I am the only one to blame as I am the one letting myself get frustrated from other people’s behaviour.

Did the above rant solve anything? No not really, although I feel a lot better than before.

More importantly it made me realise that, despite the fact that I could have chosen to find another job at any time, I am still there, which makes me wonder why. The only answer I can think of is that I have more to learn and maybe my current job is the perfect training ground for some of the lessons I need to learn.

Emotional Clutter Part 2

If you haven’t already done so, it may make more sense if you take a minute to read the first part of  Emotional Clutter.

If you want your own copy you can get if free by clicking the picture below

INSTRUCTIONS — Circle the number that comes closest to representing how true the statement is for you right now. Be honest with yourself. You must be ready for the process you are about to engage in to be able to receive the maximum benefit from the process discussed in this book.
Less True / More True Statement

• 1 2 3 (4) 5 I have a high level of (circle all appropriate) (desire)/excitement/(urgency)/(pain) to make the necessary changes in my life and to actualize the outcome I seek.

• 1 2 (3) 4 5 I realize to make the changes I want, I need to apply myself. I am ready right now to put the requisite focus, time and effort towards making the changes I seek.

• 1 (2) 3 4 5 I believe that circumstances impact me, and that I’m not really responsible for my own behavior, actions and the conditions I am now experiencing.

• 1 2 3 (4) 5 I am willing to do whatever is necessary (as long as it is legal and ethical) to break through limitations or obstacles that are in my way.

• 1 2 3 4 (5) I am willing to “try on” new concepts or different ways of approaching things and to engage in this process fully.

• (1) 2 3 4 5 I believe that just knowing WHY I do something will fix the problem. I won’t need to take any additional action.

• 1 2 3 4 (5) I will be honest with myself about information that is pertinent to my situation and achieving my goals.

• 1 2 3 (4) 5 I am committed to the process of transforming my life and feel comfortable making an investment in myself.

• 1 2 3 4 (5) I am willing to trust that wise part of myself–my unconscious mind–that knows what is best for me, even if I don’t know where the answers it provides may lead.

• 1 2 3 (4) 5 I can embrace a philosophy that says that I am responsible for my own life.

• (1) 2 3 4 5 I am not willing to give up the stories that have defined me for so long, especially if they focus on negative things that have happened to me.

• 1 2 (3) 4 5 If I am working with someone else to get rid of my emotional clutter, I will provide immediate feedback if I feel that I am not getting what I need to help me work toward my goal.

• 1 2 3 (4) 5 I believe it is possible for me to get rid of my emotional clutter even if I’m not really sure how to do it.

• 1 2 3 4 (5) I am willing to see this process through to completion.

(At the end of this, there is an explanation of the score of each statement)

The Four Questions to Ask to Know if You Are Ready to Change

(I am using the need for approval for this one, since it seemed to be the theme in part one)

1. What will happen if you let it go?
Imagine and consider all the possibilities, both good and bad.

• I will be better at standing up for myself
• I will be true to myself and my beliefs
• I may lose some of my friends
• I will be more assertive
• I may lose the the desire to see the good in everyone I meet
• The fear of making mistakes will vanish and so will procrastination
• I will be better equipped to go for what I want
• I will have more respect for myself
• My confidence will improve
• People may like me less
• I may be perceived as arrogant
• My feelings of anxiety will diminish or disappear
• I will be able to be me

2. What will happen if you don’t let it go?
Again, imagine and consider all the possibilities—good and bad.

• I will stay where I am
• I will lose more self respect and self esteem
• I will be perceived at being needy
• I will go to greater lengths to get approval
• I will end up spending the rest of my life alone
• I will maintain the ability to see the good in any situation or argument.

3. What won’t happen if you let it go?
What will you miss?

Before I list down what came out I want to explain that this question took some effort and I had to take a break from it. For some reason I couldn’t really understand the question until I changed it to “What will you miss if you let go of your need for approval?” The initial answers still didn’t feel right so I have put in brackets what thoughts followed the answer

• I will miss my ability to see the good point of any argument. (You will keep that ability)
• I will miss people giving me compliments. (There is no logical reason why that will stop)
• I will miss the motivation to do stuff like this. (You can choose to do stuff like this whenever you want in whatever area you want to grow)
• I will miss the sympathy and attention I sometimes get. (Really??)
• I will miss feeling safe in my comfort zone. (You can go back whenever you choose to)

4. What won’t happen if you don’t let it go?
Does having this problem “protect” you in some way?

• I won’t have to risk people not liking me
• I won’t have to worry about being rejected
• I won’t have to step outside my comfort zone
• I won’t have to show who I really am

This has really been an eyeopening exercise for me and I am beginning to wonder where part 3 might lead me, with a feeling of hope and excitement.

Emotional Clutter

Yesterday I created a new blog because I wanted to try to write my personal journal online. I have been quite inconsistent in writing my paper journal lately and when I started questioning myself about it, 2 answers came up;

1. Because I write more on here
2. Because I still sometimes feel I am writing as if someone might read it one day and thus not always being totally honest with myself.

So I figured if I write in this format and password protect the posts I can write away knowing that it stays with me.

I also figured it would be a good place to record the exercises I am doing on “You Can Heal Your Life” and “Emotional Clutter” as it would be easier to refer back to rather than having to flick through pages to find something.

I think I made the right choice as my writing seems to flow really well.

Today started with me feeling disconnected and alone, but having gone through the first few exercises of “Emotional Clutter” I am feeling much more positive and less alone!

I have not finished the book yet, and I don’t even know if I did the exercises right, but I gave it a go and my mood has shifted as a result.

Exercise 1.

Pick an area of your life that isn’t working as well as you would like. Sit down with a pad of paper and brainstorm about all the beliefs you grew up with, beliefs your family may have had about this particular topic.

Write them down as fast as you think of them. You are only recording them; not evaluating them.

Feeling I am not good enough.  In order for me to feel good enough I have to please everyone.

Feeling I should do better - In order for me to get approval I have to do better.

Feeling  that my parents love my brother more than me – Believing that I am not worthy of their love.

Feeling I should be more sensible with money. Believing that there is not enough money to go around

Feeling that I should make my parents proud of me. To feel loved I have to make them proud of me.

Feeling that I should do better at work. To gain approval from my boss I have to do better than the rest of my team.

Feeling that no one wants to be with me. Believing that I have to reach a certain financial status and personal stage before anyone would want to be in a relationship with me.

Exercise 2

In order to figure out what your identity is, do the following exercise:

1. Write down all the roles you play. For example, are you a mother or father, a sister or brother, a son or daughter, a niece or nephew, a grandparent, a grandson or grand-daughter? Are you an employee? Are you a business owner? What is your job title? What are all the roles you play at
work? Are you a taxpayer? A customer? A driver? A homeowner? A renter? A church-goer? Keep going, these are only a few of the possible roles you play. Just brainstorm and keep writing.

I am a son, a brother, a friend, an employee, a grandson, a mortgage adviser, a human being, a colleague, a blogger, a musician, a writer.

2. Write down all the characteristics you can think of about yourself. Are you shy? Outgoing? Organized? Disorganized? Sad? Depressed? Grieving? Happy? Joyful? Enthusiastic? Competent? Stressed? Intelligent? Stupid? Verbal? Have trouble expressing yourself? Healthy? Unhealthy? Capable? Incapable of doing X? Good speller? Bad speller?

Think of all the skills you have (or don’t have). Think about your talents. Think about your personality traits. Think also about your potentials. What could you do if you wanted to? Write it all down.

I am a good listener, I often feel sad, I am often anxious, I am intelligent, I find it difficult to open up to my friends and family, I am disorganised at work, I am healthy, I have bad habits, I am good at gaining people’s trust, I am loyal, I can keep secrets easily, I am loving, I am kind, I make people laugh easily, I am a learner, I am musically talented, I could write a book, I could write music, I could be better at my job.

3. Next write down all the things in which you are interested. What are your passions? What are some of your smaller interests? What do you like to do in your spare time? What do you never have enough time to pursue? What would you like to learn more about?

I am passionate about music, writing, blogging, reading, cooking, Formula 1, learning stuff like this, spending time with friends (which I have not done lately), walking in nature (haven’t done this for a while either)

4. Write down the ways that people categorize you. Are you married, single, divorced, widowed? How old are you? Are you male or female? Straight or gay? A senior citizen? A Gen X-er?
A Democrat? A Republican? Blue collar, white collar or pink collar? Are you employed or unemployed? Think of all the ways people (and you) attempt to capture the categories to which you might belong.

I am single, male, age 37, straight, employed, spiritual, friendly, understanding, funny, honest, easy to approach, non judgmental, positive (interesting!), compassionate, loving, sincere.

5. Next, write down a brief phrase that captures your stories. Are you a battered woman? An abuse survivor? A hurricane survivor? A person who worked 3 jobs to put himself through college?

I am trying find myself after feeling lost for far too long.

6. Finally, think about some of the ways in which you are different than others. Do you have certain eccentricities that make you unique? For example, are you double-jointed? Do you yodel for fun? Think of as many ways as possible to capture your differences.

I am left handed/footed when it comes to sports, but I write with my right hand, I live in a foreign country, Mountains and the sea makes me feel at ease with myself (As if I belong!). I don’t watch the news or much TV in general, I am not a football/soccer fan (In the UK that’s highly unusual – some would probably say it means I must be gay!!) or a sports fan in general, except Formula 1, which I do love watching.

That’s it for part 1

Best wishes

J

The book is available free at the link below.

http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/IR_ebook.html

Self Improvement

Have I been reading too much into the meaning of “Self Improvement”? and could my angle of approach, have had a potentially negative impact rather than a positive?

Let me make myself a bit clearer.

The word “Self Improvement” seems to indicate that there is something wrong with me. That I have to improve areas of me and my life. Now there are many areas that I would like to change in my life, but I think,  if I approach it from the angle of improving it seems to add some kind of pressure onto it and maybe that is why I so rarely complete some of the stuff I start. Also, if I contantly think about having to improve my life, am I instead reaffirming that there is something wrong with my life and who I am? I used to always think that in order for me to find happiness, I would have to make dramatic changes in all areas – financially, emotinally, romantically, carreer, status etc. What an enormous pressure to put on oneself!

I am beginning to realise, and more importantly believe, that I can choose happiness at any point! So far the easiest way for me to achive this has been down to finding things to be grateful for, finding more ways to love and respect myself and writing my journal and this blog.

Another thing I have been questioning for such a long time is why the success rate of the “self help” “self improvement” stuff out there is so low (for me at least). Now I have no statistical data to back up this statement, I am just going by my experience and lack of results. There is a very good chance that it is purely down to how I approached the material.

However, for the purpose of this, lets assume that  I am right. Is it possible that if you digested all the self help material out there (assuming that would be humanly possible) you would never experience what the material promises you? I have questioned this numerous times before and then yesterday, during  a moment of frustration and despair of feeling stuck, I read this article on Journey of the Soul and what an eyeopener! Please have a read of it as the rest of this may make more sense.

What I have come to realise, is that I have learned something from all of the material I have ever gone through. Sometimes very very little, sometimes a lot more, but never exactly what it promised on the package. And quite often, after a little while, I was back to the old ways.

I could be completely wrong in my thinking here but I think it is time to try a different approach. A more simple and light hearted approach!

I think that gratitude and love for myself is a good starting point, knowing that, I am absolutely fine exactly as I am and do not need to improve in anyway, however, whenever I choose to change any aspect of my life I will find a way that works for me.

Best wishes

J

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Journey of the Soul