This is a question I have been asking myself for some time now and the answer so far is…….; a bit of both!
I have been trying to make sense of my life and trying to find my purpose on this planet for what seems almost a lifetime. Some days I wonder if I am any closer to that aim than I was before I even started. It seems that the more I read and learn, the more questions I have with no answer in sight, and as a result, I sometimes end up feeling completely overwhelmed. Maybe it’s simply too much information in too little time. I have come to realise that one of my less productive habits is signing up for too many courses and getting hold of too much information, thinking that I will get around to actually digesting it someday. Unfortunately, that day has yet to arrive and the more I gather the more overwhelmed I end up feeling.
What am I trying to achieve? Why do I keep gathering information as if the internet is about to shut itself down? On a positive note, I am very good at organising this stuff into categorised folders, so when I finally get around to actually start some of it, at least I know where to find it!!!!! And if the internet were to shut down, I would have enough material to keep me going for quite some time!!
I think it would be beneficial for me to really learn to focus my attention on one thing at a time, which I have to admit can be quite challenging! If anyone, who reads this, has any tips on this front, I am all ears!
On the other hand, I do have a lot more clarity too and I am in a much better space than I was a few years ago, when my life was ruled by low self esteem, low self confidence, constant anxiety and total confusion. Had I carried on the way i did then I would still be in that place. At least now I know that I have a huge desire to help people (haven’t quite worked out the exact details as to how yet) and I know that my current job is not my real purpose here, although it is serving a purpose for he time being.
So where does the confusion come from? Am I the one complicating the stuff I read by reading too much into it? Sometimes I read something and then question the validity of it because it seems too simple. Then again, could it be possible that some of the information out there has been made complicated so that whoever wrote it can feel superior? I know that sounds like blame and I guess it is but in my defence, I have read so much stuff where the “secret” message seems to be hidden between the lines somewhere and I have yet to find a way of getting to it!
Maybe it’s because I never seem to have an objective before i start something other than just learning something new. In fact, I have been known to complain about what is missing from my life without actually sitting down to establish what I really want! How can I expect to get what I want when I don’t really know exactly what that is?
Maybe it is time to try to actually find out what i really want before I try to find out how to get it!
Hmmm – how strange. I had no idea that writing this would give me a hint on what to do next! Well! it seems I have some work to do!!