Journey of Life

the place formerly known as control your destiny

More Clarity or More Confusion?

This is a question I have been asking myself for some time now and the answer so far is…….;   a bit of both!

I have been trying to make sense of my life and trying to find my purpose on this planet for what seems almost a lifetime. Some days I wonder if I am any closer to that aim than I was before I even started.  It seems that the more I read and learn, the more questions I have with no answer in sight, and as a result, I sometimes end up feeling completely overwhelmed. Maybe it’s simply too much information in too little time. I have come to realise that one of my less productive habits is signing up for too many courses and getting hold of too much information, thinking that I will get around to actually digesting it someday. Unfortunately, that day has yet to arrive and the more I gather the more overwhelmed I end up feeling.

What am I trying to achieve? Why do I keep gathering information as if the internet is about to shut itself down? On a positive note, I am very good at organising this stuff into categorised folders, so when I finally get around to actually start some of it, at least I know where to find it!!!!! And if the internet were to shut down, I would have enough material to keep me going for quite some time!!

Confusion

I think it would be beneficial for me to really learn to focus my attention on one thing at a time, which I have to admit can be quite challenging! If anyone, who reads this, has any tips on this front, I am all ears!

On the other hand, I do have a lot more clarity too and I am in a much better space than I was a few years ago, when my life was ruled by low self esteem, low self confidence, constant anxiety and total confusion. Had I carried on the way i did then I would still be in that place. At least now I know that I have a huge desire to help people (haven’t quite worked out the exact details as to how yet) and I know that my current job is not my real purpose here, although it is serving a purpose for he time being.

So where does the confusion come from? Am I the one complicating the stuff I read by reading too much into it? Sometimes I read something and then question the validity of it because it seems too simple. Then again, could it be possible that some of the information out there has been made complicated so that whoever wrote it can feel superior? I know that sounds like blame and I guess it is but in my defence, I have read so much stuff where the  “secret” message seems to be hidden between the lines somewhere and I have yet to find a way of getting to it!

Maybe it’s because I never seem to have an objective before i start something other than just learning something new. In fact, I have been known to complain about what is missing from my life without actually sitting down to establish what I really want! How can I expect to get what I want  when I don’t really know exactly what that is?

ClarityMaybe it is time to try to actually find out what i really want before I try to find out how to get it!

Hmmm  –  how strange. I had no idea that writing this would give me a hint on what to do next! Well! it seems I have some work to do!!

J

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12 responses to “More Clarity or More Confusion?

  1. shiona January 11, 2009 at 7:46 pm

    “At least now I know that I have a huge desire to help people (haven’t quite worked out the exact details as to how yet)…”

    I am sure you help others simply by being who you are, by being what you are and by being part of their lives, no matter in what way. Believe me, these are not just words.

    As for taking up too many things at once, yes, you are dissipating your energy.

    • J January 12, 2009 at 6:33 pm

      Shiona, I always love and appreciate your comments and you are right, sometimes I forget that by just being me and being there for someone else I could be living my purpose.

      When I realised that some people were actually benefiting from what I write, I felt encouraged to write more and this is largely thanks to you.

      Bless you

      J

  2. Larry Clark January 12, 2009 at 2:47 pm

    Most people do not take the time to consider what their purpose is so you are way ahead of most people.

    Great post! Your question to yourself stirs us to consider the question concerning our own life.

  3. yanjiaren January 12, 2009 at 11:58 pm

    I really enjoyed your thought provoking post. I stumbled across your blog in Linkreferral.

  4. shiona January 13, 2009 at 7:07 am

    Bless you too!

  5. J January 13, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    Dear Larry,

    Thank you so much for your comment, I am really grateful for it and I can’t begin to tell you how nice it is to hear that a) you think I am way ahead of most people in terms of finding my purpose (I am still working on it!) and, b) that by writing this, it stirred some questions for you.

    Thank You

    Best wishes

    J

  6. Viv May 14, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    how are we doing on this question now, over a year after you wrote it, my dear???

    • Viv May 14, 2010 at 9:06 pm

      It occured to me that this was written only a few weeks before we encountered each other for the first time…..
      *plays tune to The Twilight Zone*

  7. Joseph Moore July 5, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    From one “J” to another…

    This is yet another post I feel I could have written almost verbatim about myself (well, with the exception that I’m sadly NOT very organized with what I collect…). The similarities are uncanny. I connect particularly well with complaining about there being something missing from your life, yet not even really knowing what you want. I have found, more often than not I DO know what I want, but I’m either afraid to want it or, on some level, don’t believe it’s possible to achieve (which, I suppose, are more or less the same thing).

    I’m playing “catch up” with your blog, since I only just found it, but so far it has been very comforting to me to read about your process. Since I moved to from New York to Houston six years ago, I’ve lost much of my connection to other artists. I’m trying to re-establish that connection to assuage some of the feelings of isolation. This seems to me a very good start!

    • J July 6, 2010 at 9:43 pm

      From one “J” back to another 😉

      I had to re-read the post to understand your comment regarding being organised!! Sadly, that level of organisation on my part has slipped somewhat since I got my new laptop.

      I have got to the stage where I too know what I want but this is when fear and/or doubts usually kicks in. Once I have the answer to overcoming that part I will let you know….but please be patient!!!

  8. Another July 10, 2010 at 8:40 am

    “Why do I keep gathering information as if the internet is about to shut itself down?” – The pursuit of wisdom is only another vanity that are we are driven to, all parts to the whole, all indulged, all in-completable, but being as it is: another way in all the ways. Why do we believe that it’s going anywhere, that this or that or whatever anyone says is going to bring any end to anything. There’s always something else, because as soon as you have nothing then you have something. So if you keep gathering information that will continue; it’s just something else that you are tended/tempted to do until you are doing something else again. Another.

  9. J July 13, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    I like your take on it and appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
    You are right, there is no end and I am still gathering information although at a much slower pace..

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