Since my last post I wanted to start with a fresh approach and take my time with it.
I wasn’t quite sure where to start. Actually, that is not true. I knew I wanted to start with “You can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay, it has just taken me until now to actually start it! I knew I wanted to follow the steps in that book pretty much as soon as I had finished writing the post and every day since I have been telling myself to just start it! (How easily one can find excuses for not starting!!!)
I have read the book cover to cover 4 times now but I have never really followed the instructions. I have however, gained something everytime I have read it. I think that the reason I want to start with this book is because the main focus is around loving oneself, gratitude and forgiveness. I think this is a good starting point for me.
Yesterday I read the first chapter, which is really just reading. Tonight I am on chapter 2 but I haven’t finished it yet because the first exercise brought up something that I thought I had become better at controlling! The need for approval or the fear of not getting it!
Basically the exercise started with me writing “I SHOULD” on the top of a piece of paper and then make a list of as many things as you can.
When the list is complete then go through it one by one starting with “I should_____________”, and then ask yourself why you should!
2nd part of the exercise is to go through the list again, but this time you start the sentence with; “If I really wanted to I could________________” and then ask “Why haven’t you?”
I had quite a few things on my list but actually not as many as I had thought before I started! However, the one that brought up the need for approval was: “I should stop procrastinating”
When I got to the 2nd part I wrote “If I really wanted to I could stop procrastinating” and then “Why haven’t you?”
The answers are as follows:
- Because sometimes I feel safer not having to risk failing.
- Because I am afraid of making mistakes.
- Because I may end up feeling rejected.
- Because if I make a mistake or don’t do it perfectly, people won’t like me as much anymore
- Because I don’t know how to.
- Because I am afraid what other people will think.
There were a few more than that but they were very similar.
Before and during this exercise I even managed to throw a bit of procrastination into the mix in the shape of finding other things to do, such as, cleaning the bathroom, phoning a friend (not in the “who wants to be a millionaire” way) and dealing with 2 clients!
However, I did finish the exercise and I actually feel pretty good as a result, even if it has brought up the approval issue again. At least I am aware of it again and I am also aware of the “I SHOULD’s” that I keep telling myself.
I still have more of chapter 2 to go through but for the first time I don’t feel a sense of urgency to finish it and I am proud that I did the exercise.