Journey of Life

the place formerly known as control your destiny

Starting Again

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Since my last post I wanted to start with a fresh approach and take my time with it.

I wasn’t quite sure where to start. Actually, that is not true. I knew I wanted to start with “You can Heal Your Life” by  Louise Hay, it has just taken me until now to actually start it! I knew I wanted to follow the steps in that book pretty much as soon as I had finished writing the post and every day since I have been telling myself to just start it! (How easily one can find excuses for not starting!!!)

I have read the book cover to cover 4 times now but I have never really followed the instructions. I have however, gained something everytime I have read it. I think that the reason I want to start with this book is because the main focus is around loving oneself, gratitude and forgiveness. I think this is a good starting point for me.

Yesterday I read the first chapter, which is really just reading. Tonight I am on chapter 2 but I haven’t finished it yet because the first exercise brought up something that I thought I had become better at controlling! The need for approval or the fear of not getting it!

Basically the exercise started with me writing “I SHOULD” on the top of a piece of paper and then make a list of as many things as you can.

When the list is complete then go through it one by one starting with “I should_____________”, and then ask yourself why you should!

2nd part of the exercise is to go through the list again, but this time you start the sentence with; “If I really wanted to I could________________” and then ask “Why haven’t you?”

I had quite a few things on my list but actually not as many as I had thought before I started! However, the one that brought up the need for approval was: “I should stop procrastinating”

When I got to the 2nd part I wrote “If I really wanted to I could stop procrastinating” and then “Why haven’t you?”

The answers are as follows:

  • Because sometimes I feel safer not having to risk failing.
  • Because I am afraid of making mistakes.
  • Because I may end up feeling rejected.
  • Because if I make a mistake or don’t do it perfectly, people won’t like me as much anymore
  • Because I don’t know how to.
  • Because I am afraid what other people will think.

There were a few more than that but they were very similar.

Before and during this exercise I even managed to throw a bit of procrastination into the mix in the shape of finding other things to do, such as, cleaning the bathroom, phoning a friend (not in the “who wants to be a millionaire” way)  and dealing with 2 clients!

However, I did finish the exercise and I actually feel pretty good as a result, even if it has brought up the approval issue again. At least I am aware of it again and I am also aware of the “I SHOULD’s” that I keep telling myself.

I still have more of chapter 2 to go through but for the first time I don’t feel a sense of urgency to finish it and I am proud that I did the exercise.

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13 responses to “Starting Again

  1. Brynn February 6, 2009 at 6:32 am

    Well done J, you have done what so many of us put off continually. My aim is always to read a book, and then study it, but of course, as I’m nearing the end of the book I’ll buy another to start as soon as I’ve finished, so I never get to do the studying. I think I’m a bit of an information junkie. I have made a decision to stop buying books, and once I have finished the ones I’ve got I’ll do what you are doing, pick one and study it. You’re an inspiration, and you’ve chosen a really good book to start with, I’ve read it once and watched the DVD countless times. I look forward to reading about your progress. Keep inspiring….

  2. J February 7, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    Thank you Brynn.
    I have been putting this off for years!!
    Whenever I pick up a book I have the same aim as you: read it and then go back and study it ( with the best intentions) but everytime I get near the end I am already looking for the next book to start!
    I think I am an information junkie too.
    I too decided to stop buying more books because I am sure I have all the material I need. My next lesson is to practice it. I am still on chapter one of the book and this time I am taking my time with it.

  3. Marlene Affeld February 8, 2009 at 6:00 pm

    Excellent post – thought provoking and insightful. Wishing you the best.

  4. biggcapp February 9, 2009 at 12:11 am

    Hello J,
    Weird but your fears are the same as mine. I recently have been trying to sell (business to business) and I have been putting it off for all the reasons that you listed: Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear that the person I’m talking to will think I”m a dope, etc…

    But after being forced to do it, for pure economic survival, I haven’t been too successful but I’m over all of the fear stuff. Let me tell you, getting 30 or 40 doors slammed in your face you build up a resistance to your fears really quick.

    Love the blog! You are booked marked under inspiration!

  5. fibi February 10, 2009 at 7:00 am

    Well done! I’m impressed..

  6. shiona February 10, 2009 at 12:08 pm

    Hi J,

    I’ve tried to do this exercise, but when I reach the part with the answers, they just don’t come to me. Blank…
    It seems there is some powerful inhibition that stops me now. I’ll let some time pass before I make another attempt.

  7. J February 10, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    Hi Shiona,

    I had the exact same problem the first couple of times I attempted to do this.
    First attempt was about 3 years ago!
    For me, I think the problem was me putting too much pressure on myself to get it right and the more I thought about what to write the harder it became. I think I was doing it as if someone was looking over my shoulder.
    I think what has really helped me since then is writing my personal journey. It has taught me to be 100% honest with myself knowing that no one will ever read it.

    Maybe I simply wasn’t ready for it until now but even when I did it this time around, I kept having doubts and kept thinking I wasn’t doing it right.

    Just because the answers didn’t come to you this time, doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. The important thing to remember is that you gave it a go and please be proud of that.
    You will somehow know when it is time to try again.

    Be good to yourself

    J

  8. Marlene Affeld February 12, 2009 at 5:22 am

    Thanks for the interesting and motivating post. I enjoy following your blog. Best of luck.

  9. J February 12, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    Thank you Fibi,

    For once in my life I am impressed with myself too!

  10. J February 12, 2009 at 9:56 pm

    Hi Marlene,

    Thank you for your lovely comments.
    I write this this blog for me and I never thought that anyone would actually read it.

    Thank you

  11. shiona February 13, 2009 at 8:10 am

    Hi J,

    It’s amazing that once again you formulated explicitly something that had not yet crystallized in my mind, but was rather a dim sensation. You have given me the answer again: I have never really had actual privacy. I’ve always lived with other people, and no matter how much I love them and how close they are, there are certain things I need to keep to myself. Just like any other human being, I suppose.
    Every time I write in my journal, I seem to censor my words (respectively, my thoughts and feelings) because at the back of my mind there is the thought of someone “ looking over my shoulder”.
    Now I have to think about this. It’s something very important I have realized. Thank you so much!
    Most cordial wishes for joy, health and happiness

  12. J February 14, 2009 at 5:23 pm

    Hi Shiona,

    I am thrilled and so happy that you made a personal discovery from what I wrote and I am absolutely confident that you will make further realizations.

    When I first started writing my journal I too was censoring everything as if I was writing for an audience and it took a while to get to the point of complete honesty. However, writing my journal has been, and still is, the best and most effective way for me to find out more about myself.
    Writing on here has been such a huge help for me too and although none of my friends and family knows about this, there are still things that fits better in my personal journal.

    Keep going and always remember that the most important person in your life is you!

    All the best

    J

  13. J February 14, 2009 at 5:36 pm

    Hi Biggcap,

    I think you are absolutely right that getting rejected more and more does build up a resistance to the fear of it. It reminds me of when I worked for an insurance company and we had to cold call people! I would find any excuse to get out of having to do it, and I hate to admit that, back then, I never found the courage you did.

    Best wishes

    J

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