Journey of Life

the place formerly known as control your destiny

A Confession

When I started my first blog it was in a desperate attempt to earn some more money to get myself out of debt and a job that made me feel trapped and stuck.

In my naive mind I figured that if I signed up as an affiliate for every self help site around, promoted their products, (whether I had actually tried them or not) and throw a lot of google ads into the mix, the money would start rolling in!!!!!

I then realised that in order to keep it going I might actually have to write a post or two! So I wrote a few posts, which was highly geared towards the reader buying something at the end of it.

Actually, I may be a little hard on myself here. A few of the posts from the old blog are still alive on here and one of them in particular has proved to be the most popular!

Anyway, did my entrepeneurial quest for more money bear fruit? I think you already know the answer!

I hardly got any traffic and… yep you are right no one ever bought anything! Then my naive mind served me up another “brilliant” idea!! If I click all the google ads myself then maybe something will happen! And it did; they suspended my account! (I kind of forgot to read the terms and conditions but I still give myself credit for the creative approach!)

In the end I copied the posts that I felt proud of and deleted the blog thinking that maybe blogging wasn’t for me!

The Truth

On reflection I did learn some extremely valuable lessons, and for the first time in my life I discovered how much I enjoy writing.

This is when I opened the chapter of writing my journal, which along with this blog has been the most wonderful way for me to find out who I am and what my values are. I still have so much more to learn but I am getting better at enjoying the journey instead of wanting the end result instantly.

I really got into writing my journal and I began to feel a lot more positive than I did after my ego had been bruised by the failed blog!

I have no idea what motivated me to start this blog but as I write this I am so grateful that something did.

Starting it was easy as I had the posts from the previous blog but once I exhausted that resource panic set in with the realization that all of a sudden I had to write something new again.  At this point the main objective was still to find a way of earning my way out of a 9-5 job but I made myself a promise that this time it would be from a place of honesty and not desperation.

I had spells of writing and then months would go by where I didn’t write anything, mostly because I was still in the frame of mind that whatever I wrote had to lead to the person reading it clicking one of my affiliate links! Also I wanted everyone who read what I wrote to gain something of value, which meant I was putting so much preassure on myself to write something that would “save” all of mankind! And of course make me some money in the process!!!

But then after Christmas I started writing again. (See “The Journey Continues”)

Actually it was more of an attempt to prove to myself that I could write anything of value and after I wrote it I was pretty much ready to just delete the whole blog but the next day I got a comment from Shiona, (who has become the most wonderful blogger friend I have never met) and that comment is the reason why I decided to keep writing.

The past 6 weeks have been absolutely wonderful from a writing point of view and I feel so much more at peace writing now because I write what I want to write about.. I always feel calm and at peace when I write now, whereas before it was a task that had to be completed.

As far as the affiliate links are concerned:

The links under “Favourite Resources” are all affiliate links (except and if you end up buying something from those links I will earn commission. However, if you prefer that not to happen then keep the cursor/mouse over the link without clicking and the URL will appear at the bottom bar of your screen which you can then type into your address bar.

I have wanted to write this for a while now because I want this blog to be a way for me to express myself honestly in whatever way I choose without having to fit into a particular category and since “The Journey Continues” it has been.

5 responses to “A Confession

  1. shiona February 23, 2009 at 6:27 pm

    I can’t tell you how happy I am that you reconsidered deleting your blog. It has been a major source of support and encouragement for me ever since I discovered it. And I’m sure I’m not the only one. ;_)

  2. J February 23, 2009 at 7:18 pm

    It was your comment that made me reconsider and gave me the inspiration to keep writing and I am eternally grateful for that.

    Having you in my life is a true gift.

  3. Brynn March 11, 2009 at 5:41 am

    If only everyone could be as honest as you are. You must have felt a lot lighter after posting this? Keep on writing, and let your spirit guide you, not your ego…

  4. J March 11, 2009 at 11:19 pm

    Thank you Brynn.

    I did feel a lot lighter after posting this until I thought that no one would ever visit again!!

    Luckily that turned out not to be the case and the blog now feels like a place where I can write freely.

    All the best


  5. Pingback: Making room for 2010 « Control Your Destiny

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