I have just come home from a client visit which has left me somewhat mentally drained.
Not because they were demanding but because of what one of them are going through.
It left me with a desire to help and yet I feel unable to.
It is a lovely young couple wanting to buy their first home together. Initially I wasn’t able to fit them in as they could only be available on a Saturday and I was fully booked, but when I realised that they live very close to me I offered to drop by their house on my way home. When I first spoke to him on the phone and offered to come around he sounded kind of grumpy and showed no sign of gratitude for the fact that I would sacrifice my own time to come and see them out of work hours. My assumption could not be further from the truth and I feel ashamed that I made that assumption in the first place.
I had promised to ring them before coming around and managed to leave without his number, and decided to go home to google his name hoping to find some kind of contact number. I found his work number and thought maybe he’ll have a voice mail listing his mobile/cell number only to find out that there was no voice mail.
What the google search did reveal is what left me ashamed of having judged him based on a telephone conversation; I found a newspaper article and discovered that he had been diagnosed with severe cancer and given a year to live. Even worse, he had found out that there was a drug available that could prolong his life but due to the cost of that drug the health service would not help. Fortunately through a lot of fighting he won the battle with the health service.
When I saw them today I felt a desire to help that I have not felt before. Both of them are wonderful people and I find it so difficult to observe anyone going through things like this.
I have always found it very difficult to observe people going though hard times, even people I would normally avoid.
I often wonder why I so often get so emotionally attached to people I have just met, in the sense that I somehow make it my responsibility to ease their burden and hardship. A responsibility I have no chance of fulfilling, but I still keep trying to in the hope that maybe one day I will.
I did leave in the solace that he has a wonderfully caring girlfriend, who I am sure is helping him and giving him a reason to keep fighting. I would hate for anyone to have to face anything like this on their own.
Still, I am left here with a burning desire to do something to help and can’t think of how! Also I am trying to work out why our paths crossed as I believe less and less in pure coincidence. I have come to believe that there is a reason for the compassion I feel and the desire I feel to help.
My thoughts and prayers are with them both and one day I will know the reason we met.