Journey of Life

the place formerly known as control your destiny

Being Unique

Being Unique

I have the right to be who I am and  the right to love who i am without anyone else’s influence or judgment. There is only one of me, which makes me unique and there is only one of you which makes you unique, with qualities that are unique to you.

I always try my best not to pass judgment on anyone I meet regardless of their “so called” social status.

The other day at work I decided to go for a walk to clear my head and some guy stops me in the street to say hello. At this point I am trying to work out where I know him from, because the way he greeted me he seemed to know me. It soon became apparent that I had never met the guy before in my life, but I thought to myself, maybe there’s a reason for this “coincidental” meeting. He started by saying that whenever he talked to people they would get bored and walk away, which kind of threw me a little.

Ok! in all honesty, my initial reaction was to find an excuse to get away as quickly as possible! For some reason I didn’t though and I said to him that I wasn’t bored which is true, but I was feeling somewhat uncomfortable about the whole thing. There wasn’t much to the conversation other than for a few minutes I gave him my full attention and listened to him until he told me it was time for him to go (maybe I was boring him!) but afterwards I thought, how easily I could have walked away dismissing him as just being some crazy guy with no value to add to my life and I am so glad I didn’t.

Who actually decided that some people are better than others purely based on their profession, social status or the amount of money in their bank account?

I am not coming from a point of envy here. In my job I come in contact with extremely wealthy and successful people and most of them are truly wonderful people. I also come in contact with people who have absolutely nothing and most of them are really wonderful people too. (There are exceptions in both cases!)

My point is the fact that, every time I feel that I am not good enough or I could have done better, it is always when I either compare myself to someone who has done “better” than me or more importantly, when I (in my mind) haven’t lived up to what I think someone else has expected of me. This could be my boss, a friend, a family member etc.

On the other hand when I accept that I did the best that I could with the knowledge, skills and the frame of mind I was in at that particular moment, I always feel good.

I often reflect back on what I could have done better, but that just means that I have learned a lesson.

I am getting increasingly more tired of society’s constant need for us to fit into to certain categories, which (in  my opinion) is largely fuelled by the media and advertising industry. I only have to turn on my TV to learn what is wrong me and exactly what product to buy to rectify the problem I never knew existed until “they” told me about it.

Is it possible that all they are doing is leaving us wanting more, without actually knowing what it is that we really want.  Could this be part of the reason why some of us feel so disconnected from life and ourselves?

I have realized that what often makes me unhappy or sad is when I compare myself to people who seemingly do better than me, but when I break it down, the comparison to these successful people comes from someone else’s perspective  and expectations of me. When I am in tune with myself I am proud of where I am and what I have accomplished.

This blog has turned into the place where I can truly express myself and be me and I feel at home here.

One of my favourite past times now is reading other blogs and I am at times lost for words for the gratitude I feel when reading words that have inspired me and have spoken to me as if it was written for me. I have learned more from these words than most of the alledged self help gurus that I willingly gave my money to. I am not saying that all the self help material out there is a waste of time and money. There are some truly wonderful teachers out there but there are as many “marketers” out there who fails to deliver what they promise.

Please take some time to read Unbridled Permission by iwishicouldtellyou. A perfect example of how someone else’s words have inspired me.

J

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11 responses to “Being Unique

  1. iwishicouldtellyou March 3, 2009 at 11:44 pm

    well said! your awareness of the power of acceptance is key.

    you have always done your best my friend!

    I know that that to be true.

    we are all doing our best.

    there in lies the release of all judgments against ourselves and others.

    peace-
    Rob

  2. J March 4, 2009 at 7:22 am

    Thank you for these wonderful words and thank you for the inspiration.

    With gratitude

    J

  3. shiona March 4, 2009 at 7:26 pm

    Hi J,

    Your post is again in tune with my latest thoughts about being yourself, which I suppose in most cases means ‘different’, against trying to fit in a group at the expense of your individuality. It takes a lot of strength and bravery to risk being disliked and rejected by others and remain true to yourself. It also means taking responsibility for your actions and their consequences.

    I hate to admit it, but I don’t always have that much strength. Sometimes the need for approval is so deeply rooted in my mind that it is only in retrospect that I realize I was acting out of desire to be considered part of the group, out of fear of being deserted.
    At least I possess one quality that makes me proud of myself: when I compare myself to others, I never really feel bad about it. If someone is better than I am in areas I’m interested in, I first ask myself about the price they had to pay in order to reach that level of competence, etc. If I am ready to pay the price, I feel encouraged to start working on improving my skills. If not, I tell myself other people’s shoes won’t fit me anyway and go on to make my own little progress.

    Good night, sleep tight and wake up for another lovely day!
    Shiona

  4. J March 4, 2009 at 9:46 pm

    Hi Shiona,

    The fact that you can admit to yourself that the need for approval sometimes takes over how you react in certain situations, means that you are aware of it. Being aware of it also means that you do not live in denial, which, in my view, means that you are lightyears ahead of everyone in the group you desire to be considered a part of.

    I think you have a lot more strength and courage than you give yourself credit for.

    You also have the ability to be honest with yourself, which is something most people don’t have!

    May you have the most wonderful dreams.

    J

  5. fibi March 6, 2009 at 5:22 am

    Amazing… Thank you for your beautiful words..

  6. Molly March 6, 2009 at 2:27 pm

    What a wonderful post. Thanks for sharing your insights into this important subject. I think we all have alot of unlearning to do–unlearning of ways of being that have developed over our lives, and it ain’t easy getting there! But the journey is the substance of our lives. Thanks again for this wonderful post.

  7. J March 6, 2009 at 8:51 pm

    Fibi,

    I am so happy to see you back here. You have put such a big smile on my face.

    Thank you

  8. J March 7, 2009 at 1:49 pm

    Thank you so much Molly.

    It is a privilege to welcome you here and I totally agree that there is a lot of unlearning (at least for me) to do, which at times, can prove difficult, especially when the focus is purely on the end result and not on the journey.

    Warmest wishes

    J

  9. tobeme March 10, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    It is good to take time to talk to those who cross our paths and to try to not inflict our judgment on others. Our ego is tricky, by saying that we are proud to be different is an exclusionary statement and does put a wall between our self and other people who one may classify as the “sheep”. Love knows no boundaries nor does love judge. You are on the cusp of great discoveries, do so with love and incredible doors will open for you.

  10. J March 10, 2009 at 10:34 pm

    Had I read this comment a year ago (actually a lot less than a year ago), I would have more than likely found a way to argue with your comment to keep my ego intact!
    This time, however, your comment has taught me a valuable lesson and I am truly grateful for that.
    I realise now that by classifying others as “sheep” in itself is being judgmental.

    Thank you

  11. Brynn March 13, 2009 at 6:50 pm

    Great post J. After reading your post on emotional clutter it seems we have quite a bit in common, and this post reaffirms it a bit more. The media and advertising industry seem to have more control over this planet than should ever be allowed, it’s only temporary though, the more light we can spread the better.
    I had a thought the other day about the biblical text ‘We are all created equal/perfect in the eyes of God.’ So why is it we can’t see ourselves that way? All my spiritual reading points to the same thing, our ego. But that’s a whole subject all on it’s own. Keep writing these awesome articles…

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