I guess there’s no real danger involved in being comfortable but for me it really has been a challenge that I have never really been aware of.
Feeling comfortable in itself is the not the real challenge, it is the choices (or lack of) I make when I feel comfortable.
While I was away on holiday/vacation I had no real opportunity to write stuff down but plenty of time to reflect on things and one of these was why my life has been like an emotional roller coaster over the past few years. I wondered why I felt I had no control over the ups and downs until I started thinking back on the times when I had experienced times of feeling happiness, joy, confidence, calm and at peace with everything versus the times when anxiety and fear came back to rear it’s ugly head.
I had been thinking about this before I went away but then got caught up in everyday life and didn’t really explore it further, partly because I couldn’t really get my head around what I was thinking.
Now I am beginning to believe that feeling comfortable is (or has the potential to be) destructive for me! I know this may sound like I have completely lost the plot once and for all! I am writing this to try to explain it to myself and to convince myself that I haven’t lost it completely!
Feeling comfortable of course is a good feeling. For me it means no anxiety or fear about the future, be it financial worries (I know that one far too well) or fear of illness etc. It also means I find it easier to stay present for longer.
The negative or destructive aspect about feeling comfortable for me is the fact that I stop learning and growing. It is like a part of me convinces me that my work is done and that all is perfect. It’s not until I am back down in the “dark hole” and having to find a way out, that I start again.
It’s only when I seem to be in a place of pain that I find the strength and motivation to get back on the right path (wherever that may be).
This leads me to question if there’s an element of me being in the “dark hole” that I am holding onto, and if so, why? I know I will have to explore that further.
Why do I seem to create these situations for myself? It sometimes feels like all the work I had done up until that point has been undone and that I am right back where I started! When I get a chance to put this feeling into perspective I realise that, even though I may be back where I started, I have learned a lot along the way and maybe this is just an opportunity to learn lessons again. Lessons I may have not been ready for at the time!
Maybe the lesson for me here is to remember (yet again) that it’s the journey that matters and not the end result!