Since resigning last week it has been a roller coaster of emotions ranging from initial relief to doubt, anger, guilt and a whole range of predominantly negative emotions. I somehow allowed these emotions to spiral out of control leaving me completely drained. I started walking around the King’s Road block again!!!
I kept telling myself that I needed a break from thinking and knew full well that the only way to achieve this was to find a way to quiet my mind and that the only way I know of is meditation! Did I go ahead and meditate? Of course not, at least not until just now. I managed to let my conscious mind/ego win the battle and I listened to all the excuses for not spending 15 minutes to try and calm my mind.
I have never found it easy to quiet my mind and if I am honest, I never really persevered enough to gain control. The times I have tried just sitting and focusing on my breathing, thoughts have carried on interrupting until I gave up.
I have tried various guided meditations, some of which have worked well and some not quite so well. Again, this is probably more to do with me not being persistent and expecting and instant result! Will I ever learn???
A few weeks back I downloaded some guided meditation audios, which have been sat on my computer since. Today, however, I won the battle and went through with it and while I didn’t experience some magical result I did experience a degree of calm specifically towards the end and I found it easier to just let any thought be without giving into it.
Afterwards, the following thought popped into my head:
“Why don’t you write about all the benefits and positive points you have experienced in the past 3 years working for this company?”
I remember when I first started, how proud I felt of working for this particular organisation and how quickly I settled in.
Looking back, I have learned a huge amount in a lot less time than previously and my confidence in my own abilities grew quicker than I ever experienced before.
I know that the hurdles I have had to overcome has made me stronger.
I have learned that beneath social status we are all equal. We are all human beings with similar needs.
I have learned to be more assertive and less afraid. (Actually I am still not very assertive!!!)
I have met people from all walks of life and this has taught me compassion and more importantly how to be less judgmental.
I have gained some wonderful friends in the process.
It has provided stories for me to write about.
I think that, had I not experienced the past 3 years of my journey, I would not have passed the assessment for the new job, let alone being offered it.
I want to finish on a positive and feel it is time to release all this negativity and carry on doing the best that I can and release my job to the next person with love and gratitude for the experiences, both positive and negative!
I feel a lot lighter right now. I wonder how my evening would have panned out had I not spent 15 minutes listening to this particular audio?!
The real question is; will I remember to do this more often?? I sincerely hope the answer is yes and fully realise that it is down to me!!