January 24, 2010
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It started with chocolate….
It then moved on to the harder stuff..
I then found that being close to nature made me more fulfilled
Unfortunately that didn’t pay the bills so I had to join the Rat Race of corporate life..
My brother then told me that I was getting far too stressed and needed some time away from the office, so we went to the beach..
This was a long time ago and sometimes I wish I could go back to remember what my thoughts were then. Looking at the photos of myself made smile but also brought tears to my eyes. I wanted to hug that child (me) and tell him that he is simply lovely! Is this ego feeding or for once an example of loving myself for who I am??
January 24, 2010
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Last night I had the pleasure (written with a hint of sarcasm) of attending a works party. It was a late Christmas party for the area which meant a party of around 300 people. This type of event is generally as high up on my list of priorities as a trip to the dentist.
I know I am predominantly an introvert, which may be the reason why I typically do NOT like these types of events.
I find myself feeling bored very quickly. Bored with the empty conversations, which for the most part is largely to impress whoever is listening. During one of those meaningless conversations one girl looked at me and asked if she had offended me in any way, I suspect because I didn’t comment on whatever it was she was talking about, which also involved a lot of nervous laughter on her part. (This was an observation on my part and could have just been her normal laugh)
I was more the observer than the participant during this event and realise that for some, this may seem like odd behaviour. Normally I end up getting rather drunk to numb the boredom and the anxiety of being in a room with so many people, but last night I didn’t drink that much. The majority of the crowd did however and I wonder just how many of them used alcohol as a mask.
During events such as this I get to a point where the crowd and constant chatter becomes too much for me, at which point I tend to do my disappearing act, which generally means that I leave without saying goodbye to anyone. I know that to some people this may seem rude, however, this has become an automatic response based on past experience where saying goodbye usually resulted in being persuaded to stay. I know the alternative would be to just stamp my foot and say no to the persuasion of others but I find that the disappearing act works much better and quicker too.
I realise that I chose to attend, although this was purely due to the fact that I couldn’t come up with a good enough reason not to. I also realise that there is an element of fear in operation here because I also had the option of simply declining the invitation on the basis that I do not enjoy this type of soiree. However, that option involved (at least in my own mind) the risk of disapproval! So until I find the courage to face that risk, I either continue to attend events like this or master the art of excuses..
Note to self: Find the courage and face the risk.