Journey of Life

the place formerly known as control your destiny

Making room for 2010

We are already 2 days into 2010 and I wanted to take some time to reflect on 2009 before placing it in the box of the past.

2009 was a strange year for me, more so than any other year before it. It appears, through conversations with friends, that I am not alone in this viewpoint.

It was a year of change both internally and externally.

A year of highs and lows, which on reflection, counted more lows than highs but that said I also know that at some stage in future I will come to realize and understand the reasons for the lows and the lessons they contained.

The beginning of the year brought about a lot of stress in the work arena in the shape of threats of redundancy. At the time this filled me with fear of losing my job as well as anger and resentment towards my employer at the time. I escaped redundancy but resigned 6 months later after I finally admitted to myself that no job is worth the negative impact it had on my health and personal life. I now understand how easily I let myself become trapped in this job and hope that I am now able to spot the signs sooner should they occur again.

Leaving that job also meant saying goodbye to people I had become close to, however, more interestingly was some rather irrational feelings of guilt. I felt guilty for having resigned as if I was responsible for the people left behind, which begs the question; why do I impose responsibilities on myself over which I have no control? This is a question I have yet to find an answer to.

However, work was only a small part of the roller coaster of 2009. The biggest part was coming to grips with being me, and the constant chatter in my mind, for which the only outlet seemed to be this place.  Having had this outlet though, has in many ways been my saviour as well as therapy for me because by writing I managed to get some of the chatter out of my head and through the writing, answers started to appear. It helped me to focus inwards as opposed to look for answers and magic pill solutions externally. It made me open my eyes to the more sinister side to the self help industry, which initially made me want to start a crusade against every self help guru until I realized this was an automatic reaction of anger and bitterness, mostly directed at myself for having been so naïve for so long. Better late than never as the saying goes!!

I read a post from January last year in which I wrote that my New Years resolution would be to enjoy the journey rather than focus on the end result. Did I achieve that? No! But from where I am now that is not really as important as the acceptance of the fact that the journey is never mapped out. The journey (at least for me) constantly changes and for me it is the awareness of the fact that it can change in a heartbeat that may just help make it easier for me to enjoy it.

2009 also became the year I felt this blog took on a life of its own after I realized that the end result I had hoped for when I started it wasn’t going to happen. This will explain

After that I was able to write what was on my mind with no hidden agenda, the act of which taught me honesty with myself and that I was allowed to have a voice and an opinion.

I also allowed myself to open up to people in my physical world and some got access to this blog. It was frightening and yet liberating especially when I discovered that the judgment I feared was non-existent.

But the highlight of the year for me was all of you. The friends I made through the blogging world. Friends I would never have met in the physical world. Friends who I feel very lucky to have “nearly” met. Your kindness and wisdom helped me on this journey. Your posts and comments have been an endless source of inspiration to me and I feel privileged, honoured and extremely grateful.

THANK YOU.

The journey continues….

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14 responses to “Making room for 2010

  1. shiona January 2, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    J, you have pointed out several times that it was my comment which saved this blog from being deleted. I do believe, however, that if it wasn’t me it would be someone else to say the same thing to you. Your blog is needed and it is meant to be. I was just the lucky one who gained your friendship and it was thanks to you that I have also opened myself to others a bit more than before. So THANK YOU.

    • J January 5, 2010 at 5:16 pm

      Yes it was indeed thanks to your comment I decided not to delete the blog after all and for that I am eternally grateful.
      As for the lucky one; well I consider myself the lucky one to have gained your friendship and if I have helped you then I feel I have done something worthwhile.

      Love & Hugs

  2. enreal January 3, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    J… it did seem like an exhausting journey, but all in all… I feel you are the victor… and a truly beautiful person as well. your words have moved me on numerous occasions and for me (as well as others ‘m sure) it means a great deal.

    Have a blessed new year and remember the road must be windy and full of hills… otherwise we would not understand how long we have traveled and for what purpose, if the end is indeed in sight at the end of the long flat road

    • J January 5, 2010 at 5:19 pm

      Thank you enreal, it did seem exhausting at times but I also understand that for me to learn there has to be challenges. Sometimes it’s hard to appreciate this while being in the middle of it.

      Your kind words and support means so much to me and I am grateful.

      With love..

  3. viv66 January 4, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    I agree with enreal; it wouldn’t be as exciting a journey if it were simple.
    I am reminded on Sam’s comments to Frodo, about certain points in adventures when the heroes maybe are in terrible times and that’s when the reader wants to close the book. Well, we are the heroes and we can’t close the book.
    xx

    • J January 5, 2010 at 5:24 pm

      I agree too. If life was straight forward then there wouldn’t be much excitement and not much to write about and even worse, no way of growing. Sometimes it would be nice to have it balanced out a bit more evenly though.
      I know the book can’t be closed and that the chapters are constantly being written and all I can do is try my best in whatever situation I find myself in.
      It would have been so much more difficult without your friendship and support..Thank you

      xxx

  4. Brynn Thomas January 4, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    J, as I have mentioned before, it seems we are on very similar journeys. The blogging confession, the redundancy, the feeling responsible for things beyond our control and the getting let down by the self help industry. Last year was an absolute rollercoaster, but thankfully the birth of my son makes all the low points seem really trivial.
    I don’t know which self help guru’s you launched your crusade against, but I have decided to listen to Louise Hay, “The thoughts we think and the words we speak create our experiences.” This way I am taking responsibility for my life and not playing ‘the blame game’.
    May your journey be smooth and I look forward to reading all about it.

    • J January 5, 2010 at 5:29 pm

      Last year was indeed a rollercoaster but in hindsight (and the reason I wrote the post) it was a part of my journey and there were valuable lessons to be learned from it. With regards to the self help gurus, it was never a case of blaming them for anything but more a realization that I needed a wake up call to adopt some common sense and critical thinking in my approach to some of this stuff and as a result I have taken a complete break from it while learning to listen more to my inner voice. I never launched a crusade against any of these self proclaimed gurus but I am following a few people that are exposing them for what they are. That said, I am not suggesting they are all bad with nothing of value and more importantly, people should make up their own minds without influence from external sources. If something works for you, use it.

      Who knows what 2010 will bring but I am sure there will be a post or two about it.

      Be well

  5. summerrain63 January 7, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    Steps…even baby ones…are steps nonetheless…may the new year find your journey still moving even if the road is unsure…

    Happy New Year..

    • J January 7, 2010 at 8:02 pm

      Thank you for your kind comment and yes you are absolutely right, baby steps really are steps! I am grateful for your visit and hope to see you again soon..

      Best wishes

  6. vanessaleighsblog January 8, 2010 at 6:23 pm

    J: I know that even with a lot of the down sides of 2009, that what you have come to learn about yourself and those around are priceless gifts for you to take along the journey. For me, 2009 was one of the most lifechanging years so far; I found myself being less scared of taking risks about speaking truth; and more self assured and unapologetic about who I am and why I am here. I know clearly that everything, EVERY THING, happens for a reason. And, that the journey of my life will never be predictable, which I am now starting to embrace more and more.

    I am glad for having “met” you on this journey as well. Keep on and keep writing!!!!

    • J January 12, 2010 at 7:11 pm

      Thank you Vanessa. 2009 was a year of change and I know that what I have come to learn about myself will help me further on my journey, which, as you wrote about your own journey will never be predictable. My lesson continues to be to embrace this fact and accept that there are things and situations beyond my control, from which I will learn.

      Hugs

  7. mysoul January 18, 2010 at 5:05 am

    Happy New year to you J! Came in here late.. May this year bring in an abundance of all that you need and lead you to your Dreams.

    2009 was a year of transformations for me too.. it seemed like nature was clutter cleaning my life. At some time I came to the conclusion, I could do one of two things either take care of my own garbage or take care of everyone else’s garbage and never have the time to clean my own.. I chose the former, feel a lot better about it…its the same with responsibilities…One step at a time, one day at a time, things get better.

    • J January 18, 2010 at 7:07 pm

      Happy New Year to you too and thank you for your kind words. I have not been to visit for a while but I will do so shortly.

      I have come to a very similar conclusion, that I need to take care of myself more and not always put everyone else first. it is a balancing act, which I hope to get better at, but like you said…one step at a time..

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