Journey of Life

the place formerly known as control your destiny


Last night I had the pleasure (written with a hint of sarcasm) of attending a works party. It was a late Christmas party for the area which meant a party of around 300 people. This type of event is generally as high up on my list of priorities as a trip to the dentist.

I know I am predominantly an introvert, which may be the reason why I typically do NOT like these types of events.

I find myself feeling bored very quickly. Bored with the empty conversations, which for the most part is largely to impress whoever is listening. During one of those meaningless conversations one girl looked at me and asked if she had offended me in any way, I suspect because I didn’t comment on whatever it was she was talking about, which also involved a lot of nervous laughter on her part. (This was an observation on my part and could have just been her normal laugh)

I was more the observer than the participant during this event and realise that for some, this may seem like odd behaviour. Normally I end up getting rather drunk to numb the boredom and the anxiety of being in a room with so many people, but last night I didn’t drink that much. The majority of the crowd did however and I wonder just how many of them used alcohol as a mask.

During events such as this I get to a point where the crowd and constant chatter becomes too much for me, at which point I tend to do my disappearing act, which generally means that I leave without saying goodbye to anyone. I know that to some people this may seem rude, however, this has become an automatic response based on past experience where saying goodbye usually resulted in being persuaded to stay. I know the alternative would be to just stamp my foot and say no to the persuasion of others but I find that the disappearing act works much better and quicker too.

I realise that I chose to attend, although this was purely due to the fact that I couldn’t come up with a good enough reason not to. I also realise that there is an element of fear in operation here because I also had the option of simply declining the invitation on the basis that I do not enjoy this type of soiree. However, that option involved (at least in my own mind) the risk of disapproval! So until I find the courage to face that risk, I either continue to attend events like this or master the art of excuses..

Note to self: Find the courage and face the risk.


15 responses to “Masquerade

  1. viv66 January 24, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    I’ve felt similar things myself but I use a method of leaving early. I arrange beforehand that someone from home(usually my daughter) rings me at a certain time and at that point I am able to say I am needed at home(fill in reason) and that means I can say goodbye without anyone being able to try to persuade me to stay. If for whatever reason I am anjoying myself, I answer anyway and don’t then say I am needed elsewhere.
    Yes I probably ought to grow a backbone too, but this works ok and doesn’t bring me into conflict unnecessarily!

  2. viv66 January 24, 2010 at 9:14 pm

    Ellie has been obliging and been my excuse many times!
    Of course you can just pretend to have your phone go silently and answer it and talk rubbish to an empty line but it seems better.
    And to be honest I am often needed at home too!

    • J January 25, 2010 at 6:13 pm

      I have used pretending to be talking on the phone before, but always end up worrying that I may have forgotten to put it on silent and it then rings!!!

  3. mysoul January 25, 2010 at 7:43 am

    I know what you are talking off. Its the time I practise my observation skills, I notice everything about everyone. I dont drink. I find a place that is good for observing without appearing rude. Then I write mental stories about what I have seen, heard and understood. Sometime Later I hear news about the people at the party and sometimes I scare myself when my mental stories match with what really happened with them. I preplan my exit, which means I leave at a reasonable time with excuses ranging from being needed at home to having an appointment I cant back out of very early the next day

    • J January 25, 2010 at 6:17 pm

      I do agree that this is a great way of practising observation skills and I like how you create these mental stories. I may just have to give that a go next time I am faced with the prospect of an event without an excuse for not going..

  4. shiona January 25, 2010 at 8:17 am

    I see people are very much alike all over the world. Before I read your post, I was inclined to believe that it was only my fellow countrymen who never closed parties at a decent time or at least let others leave at a decent time without having to appear awkward, disrespectful and ungrateful.
    I like to leave before everyone gets drunk because I loathe it when people start being rather familiar under the influence of alcohol. I also hate dance invitations by drunken company drivers. These seem to have an irresistible attraction for women like me who sit quietly watching. I’ve no explanation for this. I would think they should much prefer the wild women dancers who are equally drunk demonstrating all their charms on the dance floor.
    However, such events always make me think that most people know how to enjoy themselves, unlike me. Though I find their behavior disgraceful and preposterous, I can see they are happy at that moment, they glow with excitement and exuberance. More often than not they are left with good memories of the experience, whereas I’m only left with bizarre observations. Perhaps it’s a matter of inhibitions, I don’t know.

  5. J January 25, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    I find that people (me included) talk utter nonsense under the influence of a certain amount of alcohol, especially to someone who is sober or have had very little. Alcohol generally means inhibition is out the door but so is common sense…


  6. Izzy March 9, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    Where did you get the pic? Because I’m using that for a flyer for an art event at my school.

    • J March 10, 2010 at 9:05 pm

      Hi Izzy and thank you for visting.
      The pic has been on my laptop for ages and I have no recollection of where I got it from.
      Good luck with the flyer and hope it turns out to be a success..

      • g September 18, 2010 at 4:46 am

        The image has actually been made by somebody from, although i have forgot who it was specifically.

        So i hope Izzy goes and finds out who so they can get permission from the original photographer to continually using this pic for their flyer, otherwise they’re stealing it :/

        Good luck 🙂

        • J September 19, 2010 at 3:06 pm

          I am not entirely sure what point you are trying to make here but I am pretty sure that whoever created the photograph wouldn’t be too fuzzed if Izzy decides to use the photo for her flyer for a high school project. It seems to me that you are the one who’s having an issue with the photo being used for a flyer rather than the creator of it.

  7. August 9, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    Nice one. Though perhaps you attend as a part of you wishes that you did in fact enjoy the mindless chitta and dull masquerade, as seemingly life would be simply and more conventionally fun? Yet that chasm in your make up resulting from one of the infinite possibilities of lack sewn tightly into your unique fabric, persistently persuades you…don’t go. your special blend of the Void is so exquisite and unique and by far superior. ha ha

  8. Joseph September 7, 2010 at 12:16 am

    Hey J, I came across this article on introversion and thought of you. Thought you might like to give it a read:

    • J September 7, 2010 at 7:48 am

      Thank you Joseph, I appreciate this.
      It’s a great article and I did enjoy reading it and could relate to many of the points in it.

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