Journey of Life

the place formerly known as control your destiny

Monthly Archives: March 2010

Doodling

I am a doodler, there is no denying it. I have no idea why I do it and what comes out, but there is just something rather satisfying about it. I have done it for as long as I can remember. At work I do it when I am on the phone or in a meeting.

Lately, however, I have found it to be a way of slowing down the chatter in my mind to the extent that, at times, I feel total peace and quiet.

The picture above is an example of around 30 minutes of peace while I was simply doodling..

Perhaps it is a form of meditation or perhaps it is one of those things that just grabs my focus to the extent that other thoughts take a backseat for a while…

It’s Ok Love

Change

“A wise guru sat sunning himself under an oak tree. The guru was evidently wise, since he earned a living sunning himself under an oak tree. A young man approached the guru and asked….”wise guru, how can I find happiness?”

“Pay me”, said the guru “and I’ll tell you”

The young man reached for his cash and handed over a large bundle of notes.

“It’s simple” said the guru. “You will never FIND happiness. Nor will you ever FIND health. Nor respect. Nor time. All of these are by-products of what you do. Pay attention to what you do, and these things will appear of their own accord.”

I was reading through some training material at work where the above anecdote was taken from. It got me thinking though;

I am currently working a job that I don’t really enjoy doing. A job that gives me very little fulfilment and very little satisfaction. The things that made me feel good in the past, means very little to me now. The people higher up than me in the hierarchy wants me to do more and more, improve my performance, constantly raising the bar, but they in turn are subject to the same or more pressure from their peers. In truth, I am tired of being thought of as a production machine. In fact I am getting tired of the whole corporate management structure with bosses sounding like a broken record saying the same irrelevant things over and over again, each just desperately trying to justify their own purpose in the corporate machine.

I could go on a long rant about this and get it off my chest but I have done enough of that and feel it is the wrong use of my time and energy and in the end I would be ranting about a system that is flawed and a system I am powerless to change, so for now….no ranting. (I promise!)

I am better off trying to figure out what would give me a sense of purpose and fulfilment from a work perspective.

Whenever I have asked myself what I’d like to do with my life I have always drawn a blank but perhaps I have been thinking about it from the wrong angle being focused purely on employed work or a career as defined by society.

If I had the choice of doing anything I wanted and did not need to get paid for it what would I do?

I would spend more time writing

I would spend more time playing around with web design

I would spend more time learning (I have plenty of topics I’d love to learn more about)

I would spend more time creating music

Now I am not delusional to the point where I am going to quit my job and hope for the best, but I am convinced that there is a better way of life for me.

I know of people who are living a very comfortable life doing what they really love doing, so why couldn’t this become my reality??

I am not talking about being a famous actor or writer or musician. I have no desire for fame.

I did think about taking a course in counselling as I seem to have a very strong desire to help other people. However, a very dear friend pointed out to me, the fact that this type of work could potentially have a negative impact on my own life in that I have a tendency to put everyone else’s problems before my own and that I could end up hiding from my own problems as a by-product of such a profession. I hadn’t really thought about it from that perspective, but she makes an extremely valid point that I need to think about in greater detail.

I was reading a post on enreal’s blog in which the following line really hit the nail on the head for me in terms of what I would love to do; “How I would love to be at home and be able to write and read and learn my life away…”

This is just music to my ears and every time I read this it sends me into a day dream of earning a decent living from doing just that. Reading it makes me smile and makes me feel really good.

Could it be possible to do this?

I refuse to believe it is impossible.

Obviously, I have a lot of unanswered questions around how this could become a reality for me, but should this discourage me from trying? I guess some people (including a part of me) may want to discourage me from trying, as a way of protecting me from failure and disappointment. However, I have failed at things my whole life. I am not saying this in a negative context. I have succeeded at things too, but success usually always followed some kind of failure.

I have always been extremely good at starting things and extremely bad at following through on things. Keeping this blog alive, is probably the only example of something I have managed to keep going without it being a task to complete. There were a couple of times where I was close to giving up on it but thanks to a very kind comment I didn’t, and now this has become my favourite activity.

I could be totally and completely wrong here and set myself up for massive failure and disappointment. However, I really have nothing to lose by trying.

I have no idea, at this point, on how to do it, but at least for the first time in my life a clarity of what gives me a sense of purpose seems to have been brought into my awareness.

I also fully realise that should I decide to explore this further, I will have a lot to learn, but in all honesty, this has left me feeling excited and motivated. A motivation and excitement I have not felt since getting involved with getting a friend’s book published.

I am also fully aware that this will present me with endless challenges and set backs and I know there will be times when I may feel ready to throw in the towel.

I may even give up at the first hurdle, but if I don’t try, it will remain nothing more than a day dream.

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