I am not referring to the so called Law of Attraction, so if this is what brought you here, you may want to turn around and search elsewhere as I have developed a somewhat cynical view on that!!
What I have been pondering for sometime, is what specifically causes us to feel attracted to another human being. I am not really referring to romantic or physical attraction either, although that may play a part. It’s an attraction that, to me, seems difficult, if not impossible to explain. Perhaps I am the only one thinking about these things. Perhaps attraction is the wrong word to describe it. Being magnetically drawn to another human being for no apparent or obvious reason may be a better way of describing it.
I have noticed it more in recent years. I have often caught myself walking down the street or being on a bus or somewhere public, and out of the crowd one person will catch my attention, but the interesting thing is, more often than not, this person is not the type of person that would generally cause others to turn their heads for an extra look.
From personal observations (I am addicted to people watching) most people tend to turn their attention to the physically beautiful and attractive, and while I can appreciate the physical beauty, in a lot of cases there seems to be something missing for me, as if beyond the physical shell, there is nothing but emptiness. I know I am stereotyping here and by no means do I suggest that every beautiful person is nothing more than an empty shell
I am only describing what I am observing and what thoughts are forming in my head as the observations are happening, but so often I have seen people who most would describe as stunningly beautiful and yet I don’t feel the slightest bit of attraction. There’s something missing. Another point to remember is the fact that everyone has their own definition of beautiful.
Why I sometimes feel attracted to a complete stranger, puzzles me. While most of them could be described as pretty, handsome or have some characteristic of beauty, this in itself is not the attraction. In fact the physical appearance doesn’t really play a part. It’s as if there’s more to this person than meets the eye. It’s as if what attracts me is not the shell of a body or a face but something beyond that.
Perhaps I am just being odd, but I can no longer deny that it happens nor do I feel a need to deny it. It’s not a case of feeling attracted to the extent that I want to form some kind of relationship or friendship with that particular person, although this has been the case on a few occasions! It’s more a case of wanting to know more, as if this person would have a very interesting story to tell, if allowed to do so, or that for some reason I am meant to cross paths with this person for reasons unknown.
To give you an example; on my way to work the other morning, a girl, maybe early twenties, was sitting opposite me on the bus. I see her most mornings but have never exchanged more than a glance or sometimes a smile, nor have I felt any romantic or physical attraction towards her. But every time I have seen her something draws me in and I have yet to work out what it is. This is just one example but every time it happens it always leaves me asking, what about that person made stop and pay attention, when I am sure they are oblivious to the fact I even exist!
What signals are these people giving off that draws me in? Am I doing this too without realising it?
I have been single for a long time, which on one hand has been the best opportunity for me to finally start the journey of uncovering who I really am. A journey I have come to realise will last a lifetime. On the other hand i sometimes miss the intimacy of a relationship, having someone to share things with and feel connected to.
I have never been the sort of person that would go for a specific type and have always been unable to answer when asked what type I go for.
Nor have I had many intimate encounters or relationships in my life and the relationships I have had has always been long term relationships. I have never had a one night stand (call me old fashioned) and I have always felt uncomfortable about the prospect of it. I have however been in love many times but have always refused to settle for a relationship based purely on physical attraction and physical intimacy. I need more than that. I want mutual love, respect and friendship. A relationship where both can grow together but have the freedom to grow individually too.
Perhaps this is why I am still single. Perhaps I put up too many guards and send off signals that prevents any potential partner from getting close. If this kind of relationship is not within the realms of possibilities for me then I will happily stay single!
That said, I do seem to attract some people, which on some occasions provides me with a bizarre memory or story to tell but on most, makes me want to move away fast.
What hidden signals do I give off that seems to attract “certain” strangers coming up to me and start the most random of conversations? Do I give off some strange invitation only they can see, when all I am doing is going about my day and minding my own business. I am getting good at spotting them before they get close and in most cases I instinctively know that unless I get a move on I will be cornered into some surreal conversation. When I say conversation, I should mention that I rarely do any of the talking!
Earlier today as I went for a walk to get some fresh air and a break from my office, a guy comes up to me. Actually I best explain the fact that I do know of him, as he used to be a frequent visitor of my previous place of work, and that he lives in sheltered accommodation linked to a mental health centre. I have overheard many of his endless stories, and should he choose to write these into a book, I’d buy it..
Anyway, I am not sure if he recognised me or not (if he did, he could have fooled me) but I asked if he was ok, to which he proceeded to tell me that he has now got a job working for a computer company working with “chips” and then proceed to say that the only thing missing was the fish. While I am planning my route of escape he looked at me to see if I had got the joke and then decided to make sure anyway by carrying on with: “get it? fish and chips!!! – fish and chips – I have the chips I need the fish – cod and chips” followed by “battered cod is good with chips but you can’t batter the chips cause the computer won’t work and the fish won’t be the same” and that was the end of the conversation. As he started to walk off I said “have a good day” to which he replied; “You’re welcome”
When I tell my friends of experiences similar to these they always look at me in disbelief and ask why this only happens to me! I have not the answer, but I do wonder sometimes!!